He was married with 2 kids and a dog...

It now has almost been 2 weeks since I have spoken a single word to him...I just completely stopped cold turkey. I finally got so tired of it... can anyone even understand that kind of sickness you feel once you've found out you were the "other woman". I have almost become obsessed though; with his life, his kids, his wife and even his dog has become an attractable target of wonderment.

I think that his life is so perfect. He is a police officer in the prime of his life, he has the house, the wife, the cars and everything else you'd include in an "American Dream". I am jealous that he travels the way he does and I must say that Freud knew what the hell he was talking about because my "penis envy" has consumed me.

I am so jealous that he can go travel the way he does and he is so outgoing (not that I am not) and he just has this aura about him that radiates and you can't help but be attracted. He is tall dark and handsome and I am so jealous. I am obsessed. I drive by his house to get a glimpse of his life...but I am also afraid of what I might see... his beautiful wife, beautiful kids, and the dog with a shiny coat.

I am in a state of confusion and I hate this feeling of infatuation. I want to be him...and live his life. He can do anything he wants. Oh and btw, he is incredibly good at everything he does...I witnessed some pretty amazing activities.

Why the hell does he have to be so good!!! At everything? He can sleep with whatever woman he wants and he has class and charm...I have developed a theory on this...

He cheats on his wife and kids with many girls. He even claims that he is in love with me. However, his SuperCop and SuperAthelete status is all a facade. He feels that he must be superior at everything else to compensate for his lack of fidelity.

Now this is no bullshit, this is fact. He feels so guilty so he must put on this facade of being a genuine, wholseome person when in reality he is leading double and triple lives. I truly know he hurts deep down inside. Why did he marry her? Does he still love her? Will he leave her when the kids are grown? Will she leave him when she finds out that her vagina is not his empire anymore?